People who studied abroad in a country for 6 months and choose to root for that country in the World Cup over their home nation. Come on people – you lived there for a finite amount of time and, yes, you may have loved it, but let’s get real. You are about as English/Mexican/South African/German/Australian/etc. as the state of Texas is Norwegian. Embrace your nation of origin, unless you have legally changed your citizenship to said study abroad nation. Anything less than that makes you kind of a poser.

Earlier this year, my parents bought a new dog. He’s a Maltese, and his name is Chuy. Whenever I look at him he reminds me of a much smaller version of Falkor, the flying doglike animal from the movie the NeverEnding Story.

My wife thought it was fun for the first half hour or so. We’re both former choir kids, so Saturday we actually took to singing the WKRP in Cincinnati theme song as a duet. I took melody and she took harmony, mainly because I’m terrible at harmonizing on the fly. Honestly, it was a pretty soulful rendition of a song that most people would look at as a piece of pop culture fluff. It wasn’t hard to bring out the emotion for lyrics like this:

Baby, if you’ve ever wondered,
Wondered whatever became of me
I’m living on the air in Cincinnati,
Cincinnati, WKRP.

Got kind of tired of packing and unpacking,
Town to town, up and down the dial,
Maybe you and me were never meant to be,
But baby think of me once in awhile,

I’m at WKRP in Cincinnati.

Let’s take a closer look at the story being told here. This song is about a man who traveled the countr while  living the romantic life of a radio DJ. He went where the job took him, floating from opportunity to opportunity (much like Bill Bixby in the Incredible Hulk TV show). He never knew what city he was going to next, and as a radio journeyman he liked it that way.

However, his journey has come to a close. His body is tired. He’s settled down in a mid-sized market in the Midwest. “I’m living on the air in Cincinnati, Cincinnati WKRP.” Right there he let’s us know he’s only really alive when that “On Air” sign glows red. Outside of the booth his life is hollow and meaningless, and because of this he’s keeps looking back on his life with greater reflection and scrutiny.

Mainly he’s been thinking about a lost love and what could have been. What if he would have stayed? What if he would have committed? What if she hadn’t slept with a random stranger or two on New Year’s Eve? In the end, he’ll never know the answer to these questions. All he can do is hope that he crosses into her thoughts every once in awhile and maybe, just maybe, she’ll find him as she turns that radio dial.

Honestly, does it get any deeper than that?!?

The version of the song that played at the beginning of the show reflects this pretty well. If you need a little refresher on the WKRP in Cincinnati theme song, you can listen to it here:

By the way, if you are a WKRP in Cincinnati fan, you may have been wondering what the lyrics were for the music at the end of the show. Here is the best explanation possible. If you’ve read this far down on this blog post, you really should watch this video. This is what is called “the payoff”:

It was universally recognized by my peers that, of all the mainstream sodas at the time, Mountain Dew was where we were going to get the most bang for our buck. The Dew was readily available at any corner Kwik Shop or grocery store, which made acquisition easy. We were all convinced that it was 50% caffeine and every other kid would tell you it was his favorite drink in regards to taste, which was a bonus. I have some pretty fond memories of being up at 3 am with friends, playing games on the Sega Genesis, drinking 2 liters of Mountain Dew, knowing that only hours later we were destined to crash hard.

However, if we wanted to get caffeinated to the point of hallucination and mild insanity, then the choice was clear. It was time for a Jolt Cola. The purpose of Jolt Cola was to get you blitzed out of your mind on caffeine. The difference between Mountain Dew and Jolt was the difference between a memorable all-nighter and a 48 hour caffeine bender where you end up face down in your neighbor’s lawn, not sure if you should get up to get ready for church or school.

Unlike Mountain Dew, which could be found amongst all the other mainstream soft drinks at the store, Jolt was usually tucked away at the end of the isle as if it had been banished. It was universally understood that it wasn’t like other soft drinks. Most people chose Mountain Dew because it was easy and fun. Choosing Jolt Cola meant a much tougher journey.

In truth, Jolt Cola was awful. If you could bottle car exhaust in liquid form with sugar and caffeine, and then filter it through a used instant coffee filter, it would taste eerily similar to Jolt. No one drank Jolt for the taste. If you are brokering a business deal, ask the other party if they enjoyed the taste of Jolt Cola. If they say yes, you should pull your offer off the table and walk away. They will only turn on you in the end.

The issue with the taste was one of the main reasons most kids chose the Dew in this situation. Choosing Jolt meant sacrifice. You had to tame your gag reflex to get this stuff down your throat. Could anyone drink a can? Sure. Could anyone drink enough to sustain and build the caffeine buzz through out the night? Maybe, but no one I knew.

The most Jolt Cola I ever saw anyone drink was two cans. After two, they would call it quits and grab a Mountain Dew like the rest of us. Jolt Cola attracted us because it promised to fulfill our caffeine wishes and high fructose corn syrup dreams. In the end, the powers of Jolt Cola were like the sword Excalibur when it was lodged in the stone – it was right in front of us for the taking, but only the chosen few could truly access its strength.

The sword had pierced my skin, but only briefly. As blood trickled down my arm from the wound, I found my balance. Captain Torrence, as mean and salty a pirate as I had ever seen, stood over me. We had stormed his ship, hoping to end his nautical reign of terror. I had fought well, but my youth and rugged good looks were no match for his skill and experience with a blade. He smelled blood and knew that even if he fell, he had more pirates than I had pirate hunters in this battle on the high seas. He decided to savor the moment.

“So, come for me treasure have you? Well, me and my crew have something to say about that, argh!”

My retort was quick and cutting. “Excuse me sir. Don’t you mean ‘So, come for my treasure have you? My crew and I have something to say about that?’ When it comes to treasure, Captain Torrence, I will always choose the riches of proper grammar and good sentence structure.”

Captain Torrence stared at me in stunned silence. A smile adorned my face. I had had found my advantage. The day would be mine!

For those of you that don’t know, my wife owns a wine store (they also have a deli and sell liquor and beer) in Omaha called Spirit World. If you get a chance, you should check out her blog. Funny enough, she talks a lot about wine.

As I’m writing this, I am looking over at those bookshelves. I can see some of my favorite reads mingling with books that are just languishing there, waiting for someone to pick it up and actually get past the second chapter. Their purpose is mainly decorative now. Hopefully a guest to our home will take a look at them someday and think to themselves, “Wow, a copy of Viktor Frankel’s Man’s Search for Meaning. This guy is really well read. I better follow any advice he gives me this evening.”

The past few months when I had gone to a bookstore I had trouble committing to a book. Sure, whatever book I had in my hand sounded great now, but would this book become the new Counselor by Ted Sorensen, a book that I enjoyed for a few chapters before my interest waned? Or would it become the new RFK: His Life by Evan Thomas, a 512 page behemoth that I couldn’t put down and finished within a week? I didn’t want to waste the money if it was going to be the former, but I didn’t want to miss the opportunity if it was going to be the latter. I was crippled with book buying indecision. I could no longer lay down 15 to 25 bucks for a book without knowing that it was “the one.” However, in one of those fortuitous events that occur just when they are needed, I found the library again.

My wife had suggested we get library cards, and I jumped on it, feeling like I was taking advantage of a noble and free public service. In truth, I was more in love with the idea than the actual practice of going to a library. I hadn’t consistently used libraries since I was in college, choosing to buy books most of the time. With that said, I still planned on giving it an honest try.

The moment I walked in to the Swanson Branch Library at 90th and Dodge here in Omaha, I was a little bit in love. All these books, DVDs, CDs, and magazines here at my fingertips. I didn’t need to commit to any of them for more than three weeks…and it was beautiful. I was checking out books left and right. If I took them home and if they grabbed me, I would read them as quickly as possible. If they didn’t take, and I never picked them up again, no harm was done. It was a perfect solution to my reading paralysis. It was the book version of playing the field.

I have now become a library fanatic, going there once every two or three days. I’ve even become a bit adventurous, visiting other libraries around town besides Swanson. A couple of days ago I made my first trip to the Abrahams Branch Library on 90th and Fort. It was thrilling.

I don’t want to discourage you from purchasing books from your favorite authors. Buying books is a way of voting on what types of books you want in the market, and what authors you want to write them. However, if you are looking for some choice, or maybe you want to go a bit wild and check out a genre you’ve never read before, do yourself a favor – go take a trip to that wonderland called a library.

http://www.hulu.com/better-off-ted

This show takes a comedic look at life within a fictional research and development company called Veridian Dynamics. Most episodes involve an issue with a project that they are working on, allowing for some funny commentary on company business practices, marketing, and professional life. However, the interplay between the main character Ted, his boss Veronica (Portia De Rossi), a fellow employee Linda, and the scientists Phil and Lem is the real reason to tune in.

The episodes are pretty fast paced and push the boundaries of wacky without taking it too far. Again, it stars Portia De Rossi and a few other people who you’ll recognize when you see them. This show is 100% worth your time, and its been renewed for a second season. You don’t have to worry about watching the episodes and having nothing new to watch once you’ve been hooked. You can watch 5 full episodes on hulu.com or on abc.com.

I breezed up to the podium in full graduation regalia and shook Chancellor Cooke’s hand. He congratulated me on my outstanding academic career and told me that they couldn’t help but make a change to my degree. Staring back from my diploma were these words: Bachelor of Awesomeness. I looked up and saw a tear forming in the corner of the Chancellor’s eye. I would be missed at my alma mater, but new journeys awaited.